In the weeks leading up to the election and following two destructive hurricanes, I experienced both incredible gestures of kindness and generosity and unprovoked acts of aggression and hostility.
I was struck by how the dichotomy mirrored the division within our country. But as someone long immersed in issues of mental health, the contradictory responses did not come as a surprise.
Both Helene and Milton flooded the new home I had lived in less than a year, taking with them many treasured possessions – the most devastating, a box of pictures of my son as a child – and robbing me of my sense of stability and security.
In the immediate aftermath, there was an outpouring of support from near and far.
Long-ago friends I hadn’t heard from in decades reached out to check if my son and I had survived. Dozens of friends, including some I knew only through this column, offered me a place to stay, a meal or hands to help with the cleanup. I got more heartfelt hugs in a day than I had in a year.
But at a time when I was feeling especially vulnerable, sad and scared, I also took some painful hits.
Walking back to town on a steamy afternoon – by necessity since the Ringling Bridge remained closed –after a first look at the damage to my home from Helene, I became dehydrated and felt faint and nauseous.
Staggering along, stifling sobs, I tried to stop multiple drivers to ask for a lift. They either looked at me with the distain reserved for the homeless or looked away; no one would even roll down a window.
As I attempted to cross a major intersection on foot – in the crosswalk and with the light – a driver came within inches of hitting me in his impatience to make a right turn before I reached the curb. When I shrieked in shock, he stuck his arm out the window and threw me the finger as he sped away.
And on Facebook, instead of commenting politely (as I’d requested) on a column I’d posted about the new Sarasota Performing Arts Center, a reader instead blasted out a painful and intimate detail of my personal life and then made fun of my looks. (Just call me “The Opinion Prune.”)
More:Opinion: We know why Sarasota flooded during recent storms. How will we handle future ones?
Talk about kicking a dog when she’s down; a good long cry was in order.
Still, as a co-founder of Sarasota Strong – a nonprofit created to educate people about the impact of trauma on individuals and communities – I’d learned long ago to reframe the response, “What’s wrong with you?!!” to “What happened to you?”
Somewhere along the way, those people had likely been similarly mistreated by others. People come to their beliefs and opinions through their experiences.
In today’s world – where so many lives have been touched by poverty, divorce, violence, racism, addiction, social injustice and even the impact of technology – it’s not surprising that the biological “fight or flight” reaction has become, for many, a go-to way of confronting life.
Add in the communal traumatic impact of things like a global pandemic and a couple hurricanes and you have a good formula for fostering generations of the walking wounded. They respond to life’s unfairness by looking for someone to blame or someone else to “fix” things.
Others may scoff, but I’m convinced our country’s lack of attention to mental health care has been a significant factor in why we currently find ourselves in such a place of contentiousness.
Instead of understanding that personal and communal mental well-being is essential to creating a civilized, respectful and healthy community, we’ve ignored, stigmatized, belittled or criminalized mental health needs, which has only compounded the damage and insured it will endure and magnify.
In a nation where a rising rate of suicide, addiction, anxiety and depression ought to have made mental health a pivotal point of discussion on the campaign trail, ask yourself when, if at all, you heard any candidate bring up the issue?
It’s hard to imagine this attitude changing under our newly elected president, who frequently suggested those not planning to vote for him “need to have their heads examined” and who frequently called his opponent “crazy,” “mentally impaired” and, according to The New York Times — when speaking to wealthy donors behind closed doors — “retarded.” (Mental illness is not equivalent to development delay.)
Just days before the election he proclaimed the best way to “stop depression” is to “work your ass off” –a statement which not only exhibits a profound lack of understanding of an illness that will affect 1 of every 6 American adults in their lifetimes but further stigmatizes those suffering from it. (I would know; I have been one.)
The President-elect’s oft-stated intentions to repeal Obamacare, which has provided thousands of Americans with necessary mental health coverage for the first time in their lives; to bring back large-scale mental health institutions, which were phased out in the ‘70s after revelations of widespread patient abuse; and to use involuntary commitment to round up the unhoused who are living on the streets precisely because their mental health care has been neglected, represent a complete reversal in the strides that been made in recent years to respond to mental health struggles with a compassionate, trauma-informed, non-punitive approach.
For that matter, the lead-up to the presidential election itself was detrimental to our collective mental wellbeing. According to a comprehensive American Psychological Association survey of 3,000 adults conducted by the Harris Poll, nearly 7 in 10 adults said the election was a significant source of stress in their lives.
In the wake of the outcome, half the country is feeling celebratory and optimistic, the other half, demoralized and frightened. On the microcosm level, how you manage your own exuberance or disappointment will make a difference in the life of every person you come into contact with.
We can choose to make this uncomfortable time a catalyst for becoming more mindful, centered and mentally healthier – or we can wait around for someone else to “fix” life for us.
In the days ahead, seek ways to explore how your past may be holding you back from a brighter future.
Ask yourself if your emotional balance and self-control could use some work. Learn something about trauma, whether you’ve experienced it and how it can be healed. Seek help if you need it, without shame or fear. Reserve some time in every day for something that feeds your soul, calms your mind and releases your tensions.
Listen more; lash out less.
Think before you speak.
Brake before you break.
If we can’t heal our country, at least we can try to heal ourselves.
Contact Carrie Seidman at carrie.seidman@gmail.com or 505-238-0392.
